The Fault In Our Potter Who Lockians
couthor:
These are literally the only two kinds of horse out there I swear to god

couthor:

These are literally the only two kinds of horse out there I swear to god

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Whales and Tumblr

ceruleanreverie2:

*pushes a nerd against a wall* haha nerd *makes out with him*

hoganddice:

takethethirdoption:

I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.

"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"

This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.

animatedtext:

animatedtext:

shouldvecameintheasymormon:

theyre onto us.

shouldvecameintheasymormon:

theyre onto us.

knightbydesign:

snorlaxatives:

quiettimeeverytime:

snorlaxatives:

do british people really eat beans on toast as a meal

in america is everyone ignorant

it was just a question damn no need to get hostile go eat some beans on toast

image

image

theacenightwatch:

theactorsmind:

raeloganthemephilesfangirl:

charlottec21:

I love it how when Snape draws out his wand there are audible gasps but when Mcgonagall draws her wand there people are screaming out of the way.

They just know better.

damn snape is piss-OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, MOVE OUT, CLEAR THE WAY, MCGONAGALL IS PISSED.

I will stop reblogging this when it stops being awesome.

theacenightwatch:

theactorsmind:

raeloganthemephilesfangirl:

charlottec21:

I love it how when Snape draws out his wand there are audible gasps but when Mcgonagall draws her wand there people are screaming out of the way.

They just know better.

damn snape is piss-OH MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, MOVE OUT, CLEAR THE WAY, MCGONAGALL IS PISSED.

I will stop reblogging this when it stops being awesome.

meqpoid:

its so weird when ppl talk about their “hetalia phase” like
what do u mean “phase”
im here forever

Everyone who reblogs this by November 1 will have their URLs scattered around Disney World in Orlando, FL.

thatweirdgirl97:

strangeparkings:

luckydayblog:

gravitysex:

abovehipster:

WHAT?! YES. YES.

RLY

IT’S LIKE THIS POST WAS MEANT FOR ME!!!

I’m going to disney on november 1-3 and if I don’t see at least one url I’m going to be pretty mad at you :///

IT SHOULD BE DUBBED THE DAY OF THE URL

psychedelic-dreams-01:

spaceexp:

Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

This makes me feel powerful

mewtripled:

this happened to me in class on monday